Tag Archives: Gordon Kessler

Autograph for Your EBook?

Autograph for Your EBook?

Yes!

Amazing, neat, cool! Get a personalized autograph for your ebook from the author sent to your eReading device, eBook reading application or PC … FREE! Check out the big Authorgraph Party!

http://www.authorgraph.com/groups/indie-writers-alliance 12 authors, 50+ eBooks!

BS Sample Authorgraph

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Operation Paperback: Talk about a worthy cause for both author and reader!

<img src="http://www.bookrooster.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/affiliate125.png"

I just signed up for Operation Paperback, and I’m going to give a bunch of my books to the women and men in uniform, serving our country overseas. This is what I call pay-it-forward in a big way. Imagine being able to entertain our troops as they defend our country. Join me and give them a little R&R–away from giving their all for us–inside a good book.

Here’s their site description and a link: http://www.operationpaperback.org/

“Operation Paperback is a non-profit organization incorporated in the State of Pennsylvania that collects gently used books nationwide and sends them to American troops overseas, as well as veterans and military families here at home. Since 1999, we have shipped over 1.9 million books to locations around the globe.

“Our service members and their families make sacrifices every day for our country. It takes so little to let them know that they are appreciated.  When you donate to Operation Paperback, you will let America’s military  know that you appreciate their service and their sacrifices.”

E Z Knight Versus Your Favorite Fast Food Customer Service Engineer.

(With Russian beauty Zoya & E Z’s golden retriever Jazzy Brass)
Excerpt from KNIGHT’S RANSOM, near the end of Chapter 12
© 2012 by Gordon A Kessler
Available at:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007F08MU8

It was 1:00 p.m., and Zoya, Jazzy Brass and I were getting hungry. While looking for an In-N-Out Burger or maybe a Del Taco, I checked my cell phone video to see if I’d gotten anything useful from just prior to our shootout. It was nothing but blurred gun barrels — completely useless.

We couldn’t find any of the more popular fast-food chain restaurants — usually you find them everywhere you look in SoCal. Finally Zoya pulled into one I hadn’t tried before, a Burger Bender. We ordered three cheeseburgers, fries and drinks. Jazzy loved chicken nuggets, but they weren’t on the menu. She’d have to make due. I promised her next time we’d find a Wendy’s, and she could have it her way. It was hard telling when she’d get back on her normal diet of dry dog food and an occasional spoon of pumpkin or slice of apple.

I gave Zoya a twenty-dollar bill and she paid the kid at the window. He didn’t look like a high school student, had to be at least twenty, hair spiked, with body piercings and tattoos. Jada, my young friend back at the marina, has a similar look. But I soon found out that she wears it with a hell of a lot more personality.

The young man, obviously a career fast-food customer-service engineer, dumped the change into Zoya’s hands.

Don’t they teach kids to count back change anymore?

I figured by the looks of him, he’d have a heck of a time counting back more than a nickel anyway.

He gave us the drinks.

They’d overflown their lids, and soda was dripping down the sides of the cups.

We asked for napkins.

He stuck a wad of them out the window.

A minute later, he handed us the bag of food.

We had to ask for straws.

He passed us half a dozen for two drinks.

We had to ask for ketchup.

He handed us mayonnaise instead.

I told him we wanted ketchup not mayonnaise.

He gave us a fistful, without reply.

We asked if there was salt in the bag.

He said, “No.”

We waited. Ten seconds later, I asked, “Well, can we have some?”

He didn’t say anything, but grabbed a handful of the tiny salt packets and stuck them out the window. At least a half dozen fell to the driveway beside the car door.

Zoya cupped her hands to receive the rest. He’d passed us enough salt to season every potato in Idaho, let alone two orders of French fries.

At that point, I considered pulling Zoya’s Mac 10 out from under the seat, pointing it at him and informing him that I was a trained assassin and had snuffed more people than he had stainless steel rings on his face and dick — there were at least twenty on his face alone.

Instead, I swallowed the venom surging in my throat, and we thanked him.

Then…and this is the kicker — what do you think the little shit said in return?

Come on, guess?

He said, “No problem.”

I don’t know that you’ve noticed, but my day began two popcorn farts less than great, and it was turning out three root canals and a kidney stone more than terrible.

I was stressed. I’d had a bad day. My head was about to explode from the pressure building inside. My good nature was stretched across my face like a two-bit condom over a pineapple — let’s say it developed a few holes.

To start with, first thing this morning, I get the finger from an old woman. That alone would ruin many a man’s day. But then I discover my goddaughter has been kidnapped by people who want me dead; a boat blows up that was supposed to have been mine; I find a good friend beaten into hamburger by guys trying to kill me; I get shot at; I nearly fall off a cliff; I have to kick a big bald guy’s ass; and then, to top it off, I only get half a BJ before finding out I’m being setup to be murdered.

Okay, that was just this morning. Next, the goombas who took a pot-shot at me come back and riddle my beautiful classic muscle car full of holes. I have to leave it in a heap of smashed up, smoldering metal because the cops are coming and, if I stick around, they’ll arrest me, and I’ll go back to prison.

So far today, I’d done nothing wrong — so far.

And then the kid at the fast-food window says, “No problem,” in response to our polite “thank you” without so much as a glance at us.

*  *  *

I stretch over Jazzy and Zoya to the little convertible’s driver side, get a foothold on the center console, and then reach into the drive-thru window. Jazzy and Zoya lean out of my way.

With my fists full of the server’s uniform shirt, I pull him to me and our noses touch.

“All right, booger-eater; listen to me this one time.” I start low and slow. “Your job is to wait on us; provide us with courteous service and a quality meal,” I say, my voice coming out louder, words faster. “We; your customers — the reason you even have a job — say ‘thank you.‘ And how do you answer? With a smile and a respectful ‘you’re welcome — thank you for your business. Please come again,’ right?”

My eyes are bugging, spittle comes out unintentionally with my elevated words.

“No-o. You say,” I whine with a sneer in exaggerated imitation, “‘No problem,’ as if you feel the need to tell me it wasn’t too damn far out of your way for you to do the job you’re being paid to do —”

I take a deep breath, “— instead of what you’d be doing if we hadn’t come to your little window: sitting on your dumb ass, atop a box of frozen beef and sawdust patties, listening to gangster rap while popping pimples with one hand and rubbing your balls like they’re Aladdin’s lamp and you’re wishing you had something more than a three-inch pecker with the other.

No problem? You say no problem to your neighbor when you pull a turd out of his toilet that got stuck sideways and clogged it up. You say no problem when you stop and fix a stranger’s flat tire in the rain, even though you’re going to be late for work. You say no problem when the guy with no arms standing beside you at the urinal asks you to shake the dew off his lily and put it back in his pants for him — that’s when you say, no freaking problem!”

I’m glaring at him. He’s gaping back, as are Zoya, Jazzy, the burger joint employees and the few customers who can see me from the inside.

“No problem?” I ask quietly, but with a ragged edge. My next words come out from between my barred teeth. “Of course it was no damn problem, you little freak!”

The kid is in shock. He finally stutters, “Yu-you’re…wu-welcome — s-sir!”

“There. Was that so goddamn hard?”

I let him go, push off and slip back into my seat without looking at him. I answer, “No problem.”

Zoya, with her heavy Russian accent, says, “Have … nice … day!” and we pull away.

*  *  *

 I took a deep breath and within five minutes I was feeling pretty good.

KNIGHT’S LATE TRAIN has arrived! (and KNIGHT’S REPORTS is on it’s caboose)


KNIGHT’S LATE TRAIN—an Action/Adventure Thriller Novel

With E Z Knight, if a mountain gets in your way, you don’t go around it, you blow it up.

From flying a helicopter through a blinding mountain blizzard to running down a blazing train to Hell, E Z Knight is tested more than ever in Knight’s Late Train — and somewhere in between he discovers an easy way to join the Mile High Club.

When Doc Knight and his train go missing in a Colorado blizzard, E Z must brave the storm to find his father. In the process, he discovers Doc was involved in something more than conducting trains through the mountains. A hazardous materials train is loaded with highly toxic and explosive gas with a yield that could rival the Hiroshima A-bomb, as well as a yellowcake Betty Crocker wouldn’t even think about making. The Thundertrain is headed for Denver, and the madman at the controls is bent on derailing the hazmat freight cars where they will cause the very highest body count. Hundreds of thousands of lives are at stake.

E Z enlists the help of sexy railroad engineer Rillie Bee Wilde, and finds out she’s as feral as her name. She takes him higher than he could ever reach in their helicopter. Soon, they find out who wins when hundreds of tons of locomotive meet a fragile whirlybird and a battle against two dozen mercenaries is waged in the dangerous Slaughterhouse Train Yard.

With the Thundertrain only minutes from killing tens of thousands of innocent citizens, E Z must decide whether to save his father and children, or to try to stop a team of mercenaries from blowing the “Mile High City” to Hell.
The only way to do both is to move a mountain.

Knight’s Late Train is an episode of the standalone novels of ”The E Z Knight Reports” series; a sexy, humorous and irreverent series as well as a somewhat realistic and poignant look at the darker side of life, crime and the human condition.

With a modern-day, ramped up “The Rockford Files”/”Magnum PI” feel, a Jack Bauer-capable hero and a “24” pace, this series consists of standalone, page-thrumming novels.

“The E Z Knight Reports” has a special section on the author’s website and blog (gordonkessler.com) with info on each of the books, E Z Knight, Jazzy Brass and the “Knight Girls”. You’ll also find information about the author and his other novels and works.

If you enjoy best-selling action/adventure thriller authors like Don Winslow and Clive Cussler, as well as some of the best thrillers in eBooks by indie authors like John Locke and JA Konrath, you’ll love Knight’s Big Easy!

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KNIGHT’S REPORTS — Box Set, Your Three Favorite E Z Knight Books Bundled (The E Z Knight Reporst)

Chocolate & Mystery Lovers’ Contest!

The top three words that cause mystery readers to snap their heads and say, “Huh?”

“Chocolate,” “Mystery” and “Contest”

And the winner is?

And the winner is?

And it’s all rolled into one post: The Brainstorm Thriller Novel Cover Contest! is going on now through June 15!

You could win a box of the coolest chocolates ever: Christopher Elbow’s Artisan Chocolates–they’re designer, wildly flavored chocolates at their best! You’ve never tasted chocolate like this before, guaranteed–and you’ll love ’em! Check it out!

To enter, all you have to do is select the most popular choice of eBook cover for my thriller novel Brainstorm (it’s a mystery, it’s a thriller, it involves a taste of sci-fi and now chocolates, too!). On June 16, in a random drawing from those who’ve picked the most popular of covers, I’ll select the winner. Be a part of it!

WE HAVE A WINNER!

BRAINSTORM EBook Cover Contest Winner!

This cover design stuff is so difficult, but so very important, as well. So I asked for your help and you gave it to me! Thanks so much to everyone who participated.

J-4

J-4

J-5

J-5

M-7

M-7

We had a tie between J-4 and J-5 for the most attractive and professional-looking cover.  The names of those who selected one of these two covers were then entered into a random drawing, and Tom Wingo of Oklahoma came out the winner! Again, thanks to all of you who entered the contest! Now it’s up to  me to decide which one to use (I’m actually leaning toward a slightly modified M-7)!

Congratulations, Tom! Here’s your 9-piece box of Christopher Elbow’s famous Artisanal Chocolates:

Okay, I’ll actually send you the real thing! But you have to promise to tell everyone how much you enjoyed them!

Check out Christopher Elbow Artisan Chocolates at this link: http://bit.ly/bNJLZp .

Dead Reckoning eBook is only $2.99 for Kindle on Amazon.com!

dead reckoning Kindle ebook is only $2.99 on Amazon.com!